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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27220756">strawberries &amp; cigarettes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwuxuxi/pseuds/uwuxuxi'>uwuxuxi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Cigarettes, Everyone Is Gay, Light Angst, M/M, Meet-Cute, Model, Non-Explicit Sex, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:14:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,170</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27220756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwuxuxi/pseuds/uwuxuxi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Lighters are one of those nebulous objects that you don’t buy for yourself but acquire from other people.” He offers the closed lighter to Yukhei, the rose engraving facing up words, and Yukhei closes his hand around it. He wonders if he imagines the jolt of electricity that passes between them. “They’re passed around from person to person and loved dearly by everyone whose hands touch them.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Suh Youngho | Johnny/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>strawberries &amp; cigarettes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>all i have to say for myself is i fucking love johncas, honestly. but based off of this twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/faeriedoyoung/status/1320786805436878854?s=20">thread</a>!<br/>shout out to my partner for helping inspire this, i love you baby&lt;3<br/>also i wrote this in one sitting in 3 hours with minimal editing...i'm sorry</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yukhei does not leave his house without his pack of cigarettes, and a lighter to the degree that grabbing both has become a part of his daily checklist. </p>
<p>1.Phone. 2. Wallet. 3. Keys. 4. Headphones. 5. Cigarettes. 6. Lighter. It’s a habit at this point, deeply engrained in everything that makes up Yukhei as a person. He’s twenty-one, anxious, and desperately trying to get a break as a model, and the habits, as bad as they may be, help to center him every morning.  </p>
<p>So when he leaves his local coffee shop after downing a latte that had no business being as expensive as it was and digs in his pockets for his trusty red lighter and doesn’t find it, something inside of him makes a desperate and broken noise. He curses, checking every pocket in his trench coat and trying desperately not to drop the cigarette between his lips in his frantic searching. </p>
<p>“Need a light?” A gentle voice asks, accompanied by the satisfying click of a Zippo lighter just inside of his line of sight. Yukhei turns his attention up to the man, dark eyes following the line of his arm up to his broad shoulders and settling on the handsome face bracketed by warm, chestnut hair. He smells like black coffee and menthol cigarettes, and Yukhei is admittedly a little enthralled by everything that this man is. </p>
<p>“I’d love one,” Yukhei murmurs around his cigarette, supporting the thin stick between his fingers and leaning in to light the cigarette in the long flame flickering up from the rose gold Zippo in the stranger’s hand. As their eyes lock, Yukhei allows himself a small smile to match the one curling the stranger’s lips.</p>
<p>He has nice lips, a perfect cupid’s bow paired with a full swell of his bottom lip, and Yukhei’s mind starts to get away from him as he watches the stranger flip his Zippo closed and hold it between his fingers as if he’s hesitant to put it back into the pocket it came from. There’s a rose engraved into the side that he can see, and it’s so...delicate looking. Yukhei wonders where he got it.</p>
<p>“I need to buy a new lighter,” Yukhei notes after a stretch of comfortable silence, leaning back against the brick wall behind him and exhaling the smoke from his lips with a gentle sigh. “I hate that for me.” It’s meant to get a chuckle from the handsome stranger, to make his smile turn into a grin, but it earns Yukhei a tilt of the head and a minuscule widening of that lovely, feline smile.</p>
<p>“Lighters are one of those nebulous objects that you don’t buy for yourself but acquire from other people.” He offers the closed lighter to Yukhei, the rose engraving facing up words, and Yukhei closes his hand around it. He wonders if he imagines the jolt of electricity that passes between them. “They’re passed around from person to person and loved dearly by everyone whose hands touch them.” </p>
<p>It’s such a romantic notion that it gives Yukhei pause, cigarette just a breath from his lips before he takes a drag with a small hum. “That’s terribly romantic,” he says softly and steps a little closer. He watches as the stranger takes a cigarette out of the pack tucked into the back of his jeans, and instead of pulling out his new lighter, he leans in and offers the cherry of his own cigarette for the cigarette to be lit on.</p>
<p>“It is, isn’t it?” The man laughs softly, leaning in to press their cigarettes together with lips pursing just slightly to stoke the flame at the tip of the cigarette. The meeting of their cigarettes is almost like the press of lips to lips. Yukhei, a simple man with simple needs, finds his eyes roving the lovely shape of Johnny’s lips and feels the urge to kiss this man rise from the tips of his toes up to this own lips, making them tingle lightly. </p>
<p>He wants to lick the nicotine from his mouth, suck the taste of coffee from his tongue, and press him into a mattress. “Are you sure I can keep it?” Yukhei asks instead of voicing any of this, holding his cigarette between his middle and pointer fingers to flick the ash down to the sidewalk beneath them.</p>
<p>“Positive,” he says as he pulls the cigarette from between his lips to exhale and offer Yukhei a playful wink. He’s so effortlessly handsome that Yukhei feels the very earth beneath him shift as he craves nothing more than to be closer to this stranger who, by some miracle, stands at eye level with Yukhei himself. </p>
<p>“I’m Yukhei,” he says suddenly once he realizes that they haven’t introduced themselves. How odd to feel so intimate with someone when you don’t even know their name. It feels like Yukhei has known this stranger for more than the mere minutes that they’ve shared. </p>
<p>Maybe Yukhei does believe in soulmates. He won’t tell Renjun about this realization because he values his sanity and does not wish to hear a soft, pleased <em> I told you so </em> from his best friend. </p>
<p>“Johnny,” the stranger  – <em> Johnny </em>, his brain supplements – answers and settles beside Yukhei on the brick wall. “Are you busy, Yukhei?”</p>
<p>Chest in his throat, Yukhei shakes his head and puts the cigarette between his lips to avoid saying something embarrassing. He’s never been prepositioned before noon by a man so handsome that Yukhei wonders if <em> he’s </em> a model or someone else so magical and nebulous. <em> Soulmates </em>, Renjun’s voice floats through his brain, and Yukhei exhales smoke through his nose to expel the thought. </p>
<p>When Johnny speaks up again, Yukhei feels his heart beat double-time in his chest, and butterflies swarm in his stomach. “Would you like to be?”</p>
<p>It’s such a simple question, really, but it changes Yukhei’s life.</p>
<p>“Yes, I would.” Yukhei’s voice is far steadier than he expects it to be, and he smiles at Johnny, leaning his shoulder just so against johnny’s. Johnny returns the smile with one of his own, and when Johnny takes Yukhei’s hand to pull him along, it feels as if something has tightened around their fingers and tied them together for life.</p>
<p>🚬</p>
<p>They stumble into johnny’s apartment in a tangle of long limbs, falling jackets, and laughter smothered between kisses as Yukhei’s arm gets caught in his trench coat before they free him and step over the pile. They break apart just long enough for Yukhei to kneel and untie his converse and Johnny to toe-off his Chelsea boots before they press together again, lips meeting with warm sighs as Yukhei wraps his arms around johnny’s shoulders. </p>
<p>Yukhei and johnny fall into Johnny’s bed, and Yukhei feels as if he’s come home for the first time in years. Johnny kisses him as if Yukhei is something worthy of worship, his lips slick with spit dragging warm trails down Yukhei’s throat before he helps Yukhei out of his cream sweater and tosses it to the side. </p>
<p>Yukhei has enough sense to unbutton Johnny’s shirt in between moans, pushing it down Johnny’s shoulders as his torso arches up into the heated path of johnny’s lips down his sternum. Chest to chest like this, Yukhei feels cherished. Johnny’s hands slide up his back to pull him close as their lips meet again, and he holds Yukhei as if he was made of precious gems to be cradled and cared for. </p>
<p>It’s disorienting. It’s addicting. Yukhei never wants to give it up. </p>
<p>They move together like puzzle pieces cut to fit together, hands grasping over sweat-slicked skin to pull one another impossibly closer as their heads tilt back with ecstasy filled gasps and sighs of each other’s names. There is something magical about the feeling of Johnny’s warm weight between Yukhei’s spread thighs and his bowed head as pleasure overtakes him fills Yukhei with so much warmth and pleasure that his own eyes roll back.</p>
<p>He doesn’t think he’s ever come twice during sex before. </p>
<p>Yukhei lays on Johnny’s chest, nose pressed lightly into the dip of johnny’s collarbone as johnny smokes another cigarette just above his head. The crisp autumn air cools the sweat on their skin and ruffles johnny’s navy blue curtains. Yukhei can hear the sounds of the city just outside of the window, and it feels as if nothing in the world could burst this bubble of peace around them. </p>
<p>Johnny’s hand idly moves over the nape of Yukhei’s neck down to his spine to dance over the thin skin there. Goosebumps rise on the skin and Yukhei snuggles a little closer to johnny to steal some of his warmth. Yukhei thinks that maybe, just maybe, he might be in love with johnny. </p>
<p>He hopes this isn’t the only interaction they have. </p>
<p>(What Yukhei doesn’t know, even as johnny presses a kiss to the crown of Yukhei’s head, is that johnny is lying beneath him hoping the same thing. He thinks that maybe, just maybe, he might be in love with Yukhei, too.)</p>
<p> 🚬</p>
<p>“You met a man and fucked him within...thirty minutes of knowing him?” Renjun says, the words judgemental but his tone as soft as it always is when dealing with Yukhei and his immense stupidity – according to Renjun. “I’m actually impressed with your spontaneity.”</p>
<p>Yukhei rolls his eyes fondly at Renjun and turns his head to see where Guanheng is making tea in the kitchen. Leon is curling around his ankles, just out of Yukhei’s line of sight. Yukhei envies their domesticity – craves it for himself and wants it so desperately with <em> Johnny </em>. Johnny, the man he’s only known for a total of maybe five maximum hours, most of which were spent beneath the man in his bed moaning his name. It’s ridiculous, even to Yukhei, so he does not voice any of it to Renjun as he watches the smaller boy doodle on the margins of his notes. (Green highlighter, East Asian Civilizations, then.)</p>
<p>“I mean, essentially, yes. It felt <em> right </em>, you know?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Guanheng says at the same time Renjun shrugs with a small smile. They’re an odd little relationship. Yukhei loves them. “Sometimes, you just <em> know </em>. The red string of fate and all that.”</p>
<p>the phrase isn’t entirely unfamiliar, but it brings Yukhei pause as Guanheng brings the tray with the little china teapot and matching teacups to the table between Renjun and Yukhei. “The red string of fate?” he asks, shooing Guanheng and Renjun away so that he can pour the tea for all of them. “What’s that?”</p>
<p>Renjun sighs softly and shakes his head at Yukhei. He’s been doing that a lot lately, and Yukhei will start thinking that Renjun spends every moment of his life judging Yukhei. It’s probably true, though. “The red string of fate is a thin little red string that ties soulmates together. It will stretch across long distances and shrink to bring you and your soulmate together slowly.”</p>
<p>Yukhei thinks about that tightening sensation he’d felt around his pinky when Johnny held his hand. It came and went so quickly that he thought he could simply write it off as a figment of his imagination. (He still kind of wants to because thinking about it makes his heart settle somewhere high in his throat.) “Can it break?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Guanheng says, lifting his arms for Leon to settle in his lap before resting his hand atop his tawny back. “But you can find another soulmate, usually. The strings can be mended.”</p>
<p>Yukhei hums and takes a sip of the tea. It’s strawberry green tea, and it coats Yukhei’s tongue pleasantly. “Huh. Interesting. Are <em> you </em> guys soulmates?” He asks because he’s sure that they would have something to say about it.</p>
<p>Guanheng and Renjun rarely have nothing to say about something, and they do not disappoint him this time. “I think so,” Guanheng says with so much warmth and love in his eyes as he looks at Renjun, a gentle little smile curling on his lips. It feels like Yukhei is invading a moment not meant for him, but it makes him happy to see his two best friends so profoundly in love.</p>
<p>“I think so, too,” Renjun says and leans in to kiss Guanheng briefly on his lips. They’re so soft, and Yukhei really misses johnny.</p>
<p>He wonders if Johnny felt the same tightening around his finger when they held hands. he wonders if Johnny knows about the red string of fate and believes in it – believes in <em> soulmates </em> at all, really.</p>
<p>“I wanna be like you guys when I grow up,” Yukhei says softly, checking his phone and perking up when he sees that his headshots are ready. “Oh shit, help me pick my best headshot.”</p>
<p>“You’re both <em> older </em>than me,” Renjun protests before gasping and putting his notes down and crawls to sit beside Yukhei as Guanheng goes, “Shit, yeah!” and the conversation about soulmates is set aside for another time.</p>
<p>At least when Yukhei is looking at his headshots, he doesn’t have to think about the tightness in his chest as he wonders about soulmates and love and what Johnny might be doing right now.</p>
<p>🚬</p>
<p>Yukhei and Johnny are not quite <em> dating, </em> but Yukhei <em> thinks </em> they’re exclusive. They spend a lot of their free days at each others’ apartments over the next few months, and johnny is with Yukhei when he goes to shelter and adopts a little beagle that he names Bella. </p>
<p>Bella, much like Yukhei, loves johnny. Like father like daughter, he guesses. he can’t entirely blame her because every single thing that Johnny does is so fucking endearing that Yukhei does not want to let him go. It’s not even about being soulmates, which is a topic he finds himself thinking about more often than he likes to admit to even himself; it’s about simply being with johnny. It’s about being Yukhei and Johnny, Johnny and Yukhei, for as long as they can be.</p>
<p>(And if Yukhei wants that to be forever then, well, that’s <em> his </em> business.)</p>
<p>They lay together after another morning of slow, world-shaking lovemaking, arms touching, and chests still heaving slightly in the afterglow. Yukhei is holding the lighter between his fingers, idly twisting it to and fro to watch how the dim lights of his room reflect over the rose and breathing in the smell of cigarettes, musk, and the strawberry candle Renjun had given him a month ago mixing around them. It’s a pleasing scent, something that relaxes him down to his bones as Johnny shifts to settle down against Yukhei’s side. They’re both cuddlers, but it’s rare that Johnny wants to be held by Yukhei.</p>
<p>Yukhei is more than happy to wrap his arm around Johnny and hold him close, the lighter is just a hair’s width away from Johnny’s shoulder, and he reaches up to touch it lightly before letting his hand fall to Yukhei’s stomach, where he rubs slow circles in the quiet of their moment. </p>
<p>“Johnny,” Yukhei starts lightly as he rests the hand with the lighter on Johnny’s shoulder to rub the same circle onto the skin there. Johnny reaches up to take Yukhei’s cigarette, taking a slow drag of it with fluttering lashes before he hums to show he’s ready to answer. He looks sinful as he exhales the smoke through his nose like a dragon. It always looks so much <em> cooler </em> when he does it.</p>
<p>“Who’d you get the lighter from?” He finally asks the question that’s been sitting on the front of his mind ever since the day Johnny had given it to him. He’s not sure that he even has the <em> right </em> to ask this question because it can hurt Johnny, and Yukhei does not want to hurt Johnny by any extent of the imagination.</p>
<p>Johnny doesn’t seem to mind, though, as he takes another thoughtful drag of the cigarette held between his fingers. He gives it back when he’s done, rolling onto his back and laying against Yukhei’s chest as if he belongs there. Perhaps he does. Yukhei hopes he does. “Someone I don’t know anymore,” he starts with another tilt of his head. It’s a cute habit that makes Yukhei’s heart skip a few more beats. “But I love them all the same. We changed and grew apart.”</p>
<p>“Do you miss them?” Yukhei asks, his voice barely higher than a whisper, but Johnny hears him all the same. <br/>“Every day. I think about calling him every so often, seeing how he’s doing, but I’m not quite sure he wants to hear from me. I’m not quite sure I made him happy.”</p>
<p>Yukhei cannot imagine that the johnny lying on his chest can do anything but make someone deeply happy. He is lovely and caring and can make even strangers smile back at him as they make eye contact on the street. Yukhei hums softly instead of saying any of that because he is not trying to scare Johnny away. </p>
<p>“I think that we were good for each other when we met each other, but once we had given each other what we needed, we just...fell out of touch. But being good for each other doesn’t mean that we made each other happy.” He doesn’t sound upset about this, simply resigned, and it makes Yukhei unbearably sad.</p>
<p>But it also makes Yukhei wonder if he and Johnny are meant to be with each other for a short time. If they were meant to come into each others’ lives for long enough to change each other for the better. If they would grow apart and fall into this same pattern of thinking about each other while lying with their current present. The very thought makes his throat tight, and he presses his lips firmly into Johnny’s hair, which smells like sweat and just enough like the melon shampoo he uses that it eases some of the pain currently holding Yukhei’s ribcage hostage.</p>
<p>He hopes they don’t.</p>
<p>🚬</p>
<p>They do.</p>
<p>🚬</p>
<p>
  <em> Six Years Later </em>
</p>
<p>Yukhei hasn’t seen Johnny in three years, but they periodically like each other’s Instagram posts whenever the algorithm brings them onto each other’s feeds. It doesn’t hurt anymore, or it doesn’t hurt quite as much as it did when he and Johnny ended what they had. </p>
<p>Yukhei’s career picked up after that. He’s not quite sure if there’s a correlation, but he’s willing to lose his job to love if Johnny showed up and everything tanked. </p>
<p>“Lucas!” The photographer shouts, dragging Yukhei back into his body to look at the camera and give it a sultry smile. He’s forgotten what he’s supposed to be selling with his face and abs, which probably means that it’s a perfume of some sort, but the photographer seems pleased that he’s focused and guides him into a few more poses before letting him take a smoke break.</p>
<p>He’s been desperate for one since he’s started thinking about Johnny again.</p>
<p>Dejun is called onto the set next, his hair recently dyed a lovely shade of platinum and styled back from his forehead, and a diamond nose piercing has replaced the golden hoop he typically wears. He’s so <em> nervous </em>, Yukhei notices as he gets himself a cup of coffee and lets the makeup artist swipes glitter over his left brow. He thinks he was like dejun at one point, young, scared, but excited with this brand new world of modeling and fame, but now Yukhei is just tired and lonely.</p>
<p>Yukhei does not take his smoke break until he and Dejun take their group shots with the pretty perfume bottle. It’s not quite as sensual as some of the shoots Yukhei has done with Jongin or Sicheng, but the fake tension between them seems to satiate their photographer. It’s kind of weird that Yukhei hasn’t seen the creative director of this shoot yet, but sometimes they simply don’t show up on time, and it really isn’t Yukhei’s business at the end of the day.</p>
<p>By the time he makes it outside to the terrace, Dejun is there, cigarette held between his lips as he tries to search in his jacket for a lighter.</p>
<p>The familiar scene makes Yukhei smile, and he closes the distance between them, flicking the Zippo lighter open and offering it to Dejun. “Need a light?” he asks after lighting his cigarette in the dancing flame. Dejun looks at him with palpable relief as he supports his cigarette between his fingers and leans down to light it in the Zippo flame. “You’re doing great, Dejun.”</p>
<p>He smiles at Yukhei after he takes a deep drag off of his cigarette. “You don’t have to be nice, gege,” he says softly, his mandarin relaxing Yukhei’s shoulders. “And I need to get a new lighter, god. I feel like I’m going through a pack a day now that shoots are picking up.” Yukhei gets that and quirks his lips a little in a fond smile.</p>
<p>“I’m not being <em> nice </em> ; I’m being honest. Lucas lies; Yukhei doesn’t.” He reaches over to squeeze Dejun’s shoulder before holding the lighter out to him, rose engraving facing Dejun and reflecting the sparkling diamond in his nose. “Lighters are one of those nebulous objects that you don’t buy for yourself but acquire from other people. They carry the love of everyone who holds them. <em> You </em> can have this one.”</p>
<p>Dejun takes it carefully, admiring the metal and the engraving as he takes another drag of the cigarette. “It’s so pretty… Are you sure you want to give it away?” He asks, tentative and almost too afraid to take it. </p>
<p>“I have another,” Yukhei admits and reaches over to curl dejun’s hand around the lighter. He holds his hand for a moment to help steady his trembling and finds himself smiling as Dejun relaxes his shoulders. It’s nice to see him unclench – they don’t get to see each other outside of work much because Dejun likes to spend what little downtime he has curled up to his handsome singer boyfriend Doyoung.</p>
<p>Yukhei can’t blame him, not really, because if he had a handsome boyfriend to go home, he’s not sure that he would <em> want </em> to leave.</p>
<p>“Keep it, Dejun; maybe someone else will need it someday.”</p>
<p>...He wonders what Johnny is up to.</p>
<p>“You’ve got that look in your eye again,” Dejun says after a moment, leaning against the railing of the balcony as the nicotine finally calms his nerves. “Who <em> are </em> you thinking about, Yukhei gege?”</p>
<p>Yukhei laughs softly, crossing his arms as he takes a slow drag of his cigarette. “The guy who gave me the lighter.”</p>
<p>“What’s his name?”</p>
<p>“Johnny.” His name doesn’t taste as melancholic on his tongue now. Maybe that’s a good thing. “His name is Johnny. I think he was the love of my life, you know? My soulmate, if I want to be dramatic.” Which, honestly, Yukhei kind of wants to be. He thinks back to the day where Renjun and Guanheng told him about the red string of fate and how it can break and mend. He’s not sure if ‘mending’ means that soulmates can find each other again once the string snaps, but he hopes it does.</p>
<p>Dejun nods with a gentle smile on his face. “I hope you find him again, Yukhei. I really hope you do.”</p>
<p>Before Yukhei can thank him, one of the shoot assistants calls for them to come back inside to meet the creative director. Dejun shakes his shoulders out and stubs his cigarette out before tossing it in the trash. “Time to go, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Duty calls,” Yukhei nods and follows suit, gently guiding dejun in before him before he stops dead in his tracks when the creative director turns to face them, a smile on his lips.</p>
<p>“Johnny,” Yukhei breathes, his heart leaping into his throat as he lays eyes properly on johnny for the first time in three years. He looks as good as he did the day Yukhei first met him outside of the coffee shop, just a little older with blond hair and dark roots. Yukhei wants to kiss him, but he’s not sure he can do that just yet or ever again.</p>
<p>Johnny looks just as startled to see Yukhei as Yukhei is to see him. Still, the smile that spreads across his lips could rival the sun. “Yukhei,” he says, crossing the floor to Yukhei and gently cradling his face in his hands. For a moment, it seems as if he’s afraid to ruin Yukhei’s makeup and he hesitates, lingering just out of kissing range. Still, Yukhei no longer has a single fuck to give and closes the distance between their lips to finally fucking kiss the love of his life for the first time in three years.</p>
<p>They’ll talk about it later after dejun’s laughs die down, and the stylists stop gasping, but later is not now. Now is the time for Yukhei to kiss johnny and lose himself in everything he is.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/faeriedoyoung">twt</a>
  <br/>
  <a href="https://curiouscat.me/faeriedoyoung">cc</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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